turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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