In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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