They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
