I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
