the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina is officially offended.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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