We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
