Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
