So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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