dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
