So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
