Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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