I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
