Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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