so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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