I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
