enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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