Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
