What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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