If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
