dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
