But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
