remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
