Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
