I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
