I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
