i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
