the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
