and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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