did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
