Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
