He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
