My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is my gift to your gina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
