Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
