I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
