youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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