I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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