You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
