that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
