I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Houston, we have a blender
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
