I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
