I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
