she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
