This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
