I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
