he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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