Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
