I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
