Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
