How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
