I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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