a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
