Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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