you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
