Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
