im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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