office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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